don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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