So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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