dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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