Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
