I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
