i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
