come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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