I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
