$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
being pregnant is like rehab
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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