i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
