Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
