nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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