So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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