Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
