no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
