i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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