I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
