So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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