I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
