been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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