dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
