What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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