after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
