Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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