Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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