just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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