I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
