I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
