so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
