there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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