Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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