when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
