That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
