my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
