We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
