you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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