The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
