i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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