Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Is it because I queefed?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm getting married
To pizza
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize