Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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