this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
