she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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