Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
