I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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