I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
