dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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