i barfeds in our rink
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's shark week go big or go home
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
