She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
