He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
