her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
