We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
