Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am available for nakedness
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
