I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
