Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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