i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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