Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
