The maid of honor just puked.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
