Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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