Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
