Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize