ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
