He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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