OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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