The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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