Just mADE A PArabola og urine
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
