Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
