You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize