After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
