alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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