i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
