If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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