he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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