We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
