u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
