I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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