I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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