apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Randomize
