I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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