you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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