As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You don't make any sense
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