Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
there is glitter all over my balls
ok first of all what the fuck
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have post one night stand depression
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
