I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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