Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
